today in the mail, among the snapfish pictures (yay!), an advertisement to redo my bathroom and some coupons for products i don't use, came my college magazine.
in it are inspirational stories of what students and graduates are doing with their lives, book reviews, who's been born and who has died, things like that.
i used to like to get it, i would look at the birth announcements and see if anyone i graduated with was doing anything interesting. now after i look at it i feel like a big loser.
people are doing all sorts of amazing things--photographing celebrities in new york city, writing books, going to aftrica, attending seminary with their husband/wife. me...not so much.
don't get me wrong, i usually like my life (except the evening after i've worked 2 night shifts in a row with not enough sleep). i'm happy in my old (fixer-upper!) house, i have my little garden. i love my kids and husband. we have everything we need and most of what we want. it's just that...it's not very spectacular.
my lack of spectacular-ness is never more obvious to me than after reading the magazine. i want to be the one writing books and taking awesome pictures. i want people to read about me and say, "wow, that's cool". instead, i wipe noses and countertops, i make dinners and lunches (and breakfasts), i go to work, i sleep...yup, a distinct lack of spectacular-ness.
i know i should (to quote a phrase that mostly makes me want to vomit and then punch the person who says it) "bloom where i am planted". i should make a difference where i am and do the best i can.
maybe it's because i don't feel like i am making a difference. i just feel blah, boring, mediocre, un-spectacular. and nobody wants to read about that.
