barefoot

my morning

who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? Mamma! Mamma stole the cookies from the cookie jar! Who me? yes you! couldn't be! then who?

Calah! Calah stole the cookies from the cookie jar! who me? yes you! couldn't be! then who?

Sariah! Sariah stole the cookies from the cookie jar! who me?(answered by calah in a high squeaky voice) yes you! couldn't be! then who?

Zoee! (the dog) Zoee stole the cookies from the cookie jar! who me? (a deep voice from calah) yes you! couldn't be! then who?

Mamma! (repeat above. over and over. and over. one more time. ok, again.)

oh yeah, and i found a bag full of tighty-whitey men's underpants on the dining room floor.  not mikes. possibly clean (i didn't really check that close). 

hope springs eternal

this past sunday, we went to church for the first time in about 18 months. we heard about it through the friend of a friend. we checked it out on line and almost didn't go because their website sucks.

we did go, though, and kind of liked it. much to the surprise of both of us, i think.  it was pretty ghetto. and in the ghetto. perfect. the people were very friendly (almost too friendly) and there is a nursery and a kid's church.  the head pastor is nice, but kind of a nerd. the youth pastor and the other pastor are tattooed pierced freaks so we fit in pretty well.

the church is pretty heavy into community outreach, they work weekly with pads (the homeless assistance program in our county), a food pantry and have community classes weekly. they are very multi-ethnic and multi-cultural.

so, sunday was kind of like going to a bar with a friend and "running into" someone that they're trying to fix you up with. the set up was a moderate success, so we took it to the next level tonight.

we went to their board meeting. they announced it yesterday at the service and said it was "open to everyone" so we figured, hey, why not? it's a good way to kind of feel out the people who are the decision makers and get a behind the scenes look at what happens on not-sunday morning.

it was like your first date after a really bad divorce (i imagine). it went ok, and now i'm really stressed. we just got so trampled at the last church. i'm hesitant to go somewhere and get involved again. do i really want to commit to another church and open myself and my family to all that potential harm again?  the things that happened at the other church have already tainted the way we look at this church.

i guess i can't live my life being afraid of getting hurt, but i'm afraid of jumping into bed too soon. ...and that's where the metaphor ends, because i just don't think i can take it any farther without getting really confused.

overwhelmed

i am ready to jump out of my skin. i am overwhelmed by the sheer volume of stuff we have packed into our tiny house.

i know it was just christmas, and new presents take up space, but this extends beyond that. before christmas, we packed away 3 (three!) big boxes of toys. 2 to go to good will, and one to rotate later  when we get tired of the toys in the playroom. yet i am still completely overwhelmed by stuff.

some stuff i asked for. some stuff just accumulates. some stuff was bought with blatant disregard for my wishes and i am pissed about that.

honestly, i don't know what to do. the main perpetrator is my grandmother, although she has accomplices.  i ask her specifically not to buy something, there it is wrapped up with a bow. i ask her generally not to buy anything, there it is anyways. i provide a specific, detailed list of what to buy or not buy for christmas for the girls, oh, big surprise, look who ignored the list.

now i get to be the bad guy who returns the christmas presents and throws out the junk that gets bought because it "was only $1, $5, she really liked it, etc".

what? you want some examples? let me provide them for you.

exhibit a: a doll that we already own, complete with clothes, toys, shoes and hair accessories that are a one year old's dream smorgasbord, and my personal night mare of choking hazards.  please don't re-buy the doll. we already have it. it's in the basement, with the other toys waiting to be rotated. i'll make a special trip through the boxes to find it. yes and her shoes, yes , also that outfit. do not buy it for her again. found it! and most of her accessories (the ones i didn't throw out when we first got it).  what did we open on christmas eve? oh, you guessed it, that doll. yeah, the one with all the choking hazard accessories. great. now i'm the bitch who yelled at grandma on christmas, and the mean mommy who returns christmas presents.

exhibit b: i'm looking at it right now. it's a kid's meal toy, a poorly conceived "puzzle" that doesn't really fit together at all and is totally inappropriate for a 4 year old, much less her exhausted mother to try to figure out.  what makes food and toys go together? can't we all just decide to go green and recycle the millions of tons of paper and plastic that are wasted on crappy kids meal toys? do they all have to come live in my house? then i have to sneakily dispose of them. then i'm (again) the mean mommy for throwing away her toys.

and lastly, exhibit c: how many more nail polishes and cheap lip gloss can i really be expected to keep on hand? a four year old has really tiny nails.

i don't know if it's just me, or what. maybe i really am the bitch that stole christmas.