wishes

i have been sitting infront of the tv since the kids went to bed, half watching, half surfing, looking for a new job for mike in a new state.

it struck me suddenly that i spend alot of time wishing things were different.

i search websites looking for a new place to live & a new job (not for me, for mike. i wish i didn't work)     i spend alot of time wishing i did not have to work, wishing i was skinny, wishing, wishing, wishing.

i wish it wasn't winter. i wish i liked winter. i wish we lived in a place that it wasn't winter.

i wish i was skinny. i wish i was healthy. i wish i could sleep at night. i wish i had pretty clothes.

maybe i spend too much time wishing and not enough time doing. i should do something about my wishes, i suppose.  somethings i can change, for others, wishes are all i have.

i can't move, because mike does not want to (and i do not wish for a divorce).

i can't quit my job, because i do not wish to live in a cardboard box.

i feel discontented and irritable. i wish i could fix it. but i don't exactly know what's wrong.

i wish i had the answer.