latley, we've been thinking about making a change. or, rather, i've been daydreaming and mike has been dragged along, somewhat unwillingly. the big hangup to making a change is, of course, underground. (underground is the youth church that meets in our basement. it's made up of a few church kids, but mostly neighborhood teenage boys who seem to have adopted mike in place of their absent father figures)
i wonder, is underground making a difference in any way at all? certainly not an obvious one. under our tenure, we have had 3 drop out of high school, one get caught shoplifting and may go to jail (it his millionth offense). 2 have been banished forever due to drugs, theivery and general inablity for us to trust them in our home.
mostly, going over this list makes me feel like a failure. haven't we had any impact at all? or possibly a bad impact? maybe by gathering all the deliquents in one place, we've provided a breeding ground for all sorts of creatively illegal activities?
sure, there are some successes. rare glimpses of thinking outside themselves, caring for others, participating in the wide world. but mostly i cannot take any credit for these things.
now, don't get me wrong, i really care about these students. (not as much as mike seems to, i guess). mostly they are good kids in their own ways. they're polite to me and the kids, they watch their language around the girls ("dude, don't f"*@* swear around the kids"). some of them actually seem interested and curious about God and spiritual things. they have potential.
they just mostly waste their potential, peer pressure eachother into drinking, drugs, whatever illegal activity is popular at that moment, and lay around playing video games.
this frustrates me to no end. wasted lives, wasted potential. on the road to following in their alcoholic/absentee/crappy father. continuing the cycle of shitty lives. i don't know if i can handle watching them flush their lives down the toilet anymore.
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