have you ever felt so inadequate that you begin to question the purpose of your very existence?
i don't, usually. there's a number of things that i'm good at, i know that. but this weekend, i've had three episodes of complete inadequacy.
the first one happened on wednesday (i guess not really the weekend, but whatever). i was in the middle of making our dinner when mike got home. i was making bacon, hashbrowns and pancakes for dinner. when mike got home, he says to me, "penny invited us over for dinner. she's making ribs."
at this point, sariah is screaming at me, i'm covered in baby puke and bacon grease, i haven't showered yet today and i'm making breakfast for dinner. what a total loser.
my friend penny is beautiful, skinny, her hair always looks good, she's a great hostess, she's cool...need i go on? and she's cooking ribs, while i'm flipping jiffy mix pancakes. i think i started to cry at that moment. of course, mike had no idea what was wrong with that, he just kind of looked at me funny.
my next little episode was last night. there were three or four boys from underground spending the night in the basement. i was getting ready to go to bed, and all of a sudden i felt old, and uncool and completely unable to do anything that might influence or help these boys.
my third fun ride down the emotional roller coaster that i have been riding came just a few minutes ago. i was volunteering for work at a business expo, you know, representing my company at a booth in the high school gym with all the other community businesses. everyone gives away free stuff like pencils and paper hats, key chains, candy, etc.
well, i got done with my shift and i walked around collecting cool stuff i thought calah would like (what the heck, right?) i have a pretty good bag o' junk here for her. i called home to let mike know i was on my way, and he mentioned that his mom was there to pick calah up...she's taking her to the mall. here i am, thinking i'm all cool with my crappy bag of free paper hats and pencils to give to my daughter. sadly, i was trumped by grandma (who, by the virtue of her title is automatically cooler than me), who is taking cal to the mall, no doubt to buy some gaudy plastic monstrosity that costs an arm and a leg and will make a ton of noise to push me completely over the edge.
yay. the triple loser. and it's only noon on saturday. can't wait to see what the rest of the weekend brings.
